Embracing Paradoxes: Navigating Contradictions in Later Life
Embracing ParadoxesA resource
An essay in five parts

Embracing ParadoxesNavigating Contradictions in Later Life

Later life is full of tensions that resist tidy resolution. We grieve a loss and, in the same breath, feel grateful to have had what we lost. We let some things go while holding tight to what matters most. These are not problems to be solved. They are paradoxes to be managed — two truths held in balance.

This is a resource built around five such paradoxes. It is for anyone living through the transitions of later life, and for those who walk alongside them — family, friends, teachers, and workshop leaders. Read the introduction, sit with the chart below, then move through the five in turn.

Embracing Paradoxes — a one-page summary chart of the five late-life paradoxes: Sorrow & Gratitude, Recovery & Renewal, Holding On & Letting Go, Independence & Interdependence, and Accomplishment & Comfort.
Embracing Paradoxes — a one-page summary of five late-life paradoxes.
“Truth is always paradoxical.”
Lao Tzu · Tao Te Ching
The work itself

The Five Paradoxes

Each holds two truths in tension — and both are real. A short story and two questions accompany each one.

1

Sorrow & Gratitude

We accept the pain of a major loss — a loved one, a career, finances, a home — and we are also grateful for having had what was lost in our lives.

Sorrow
and
Gratitude
  • Later life can be a period of loss — loved ones, relationships, health, stamina, careers, and resources.
  • Sorrow and grief are normal and must be experienced fully; there is no rushing the process.
  • Gratitude — appreciating that life has been and always will be a gift — can live alongside the grief.
An older man looking up from a photo album, framed pictures beside him
Portrait · Widower · Grief and gratitude

David’s Photo Album

David lost his wife of more than fifty years rather suddenly to cancer. In the initial weeks of grief he addressed his pain by selecting thirty pictures of Joyce, making an album, and sharing it with family and friends. He came to accept that sorrow is essential to growth and well-being after loss.

Five months later he wrote an essay about the difficulties of living alone — and how he had rediscovered the power of gratitude, a perspective dramatically different from despair. He presented it at his church and went on to meet with many others growing from personal loss.

“He rediscovered the power of gratitude.”

Pause & reflect
  1. What do you consider to be the major losses in your life — death of a spouse, relative, or friend; job, finances, place of residence, physical health, or mental health?
  2. Since sorrow is evidence that you once had something you valued, in what ways has your loss resulted in gratitude, and in continuing your journey in life?
2

Recovery & Renewal

We give ourselves permission to heal after a loss, no matter how long it takes, and we also prepare for and begin to live in the next phase of our lives.

Recovery
and
Renewal
  • Because we cannot revive the loss, going back is not an option; renewal means moving forward.
  • In later life, resilience is less about bouncing back and more about moving forward.
  • We build on memories of the past as motivation to commit to the future, with all its challenges and opportunities.
An older woman holding an open book in a book-lined sitting room
Portrait · Retirement transition · Learning and service

Ruth’s Next-Phase Vocation

Ruth was proactive about retirement. Two years before leaving a significant administrative position at a university, she took courses to become a docent in a nonprofit organization.

She enjoyed learning about architecture, sharing her knowledge with others, and forming new social connections — while continuing to serve on committees at her women’s organization and retirement community. She kept living what she called her vocation.

“She lived what she called her vocation.”

Pause & reflect
  1. If you haven’t retired yet, how do you see yourself moving forward when the time comes?
  2. If you’re currently retired, what are you doing that gives you fulfillment? What new skills have you developed, or what new interests have you discovered?
3

Letting Go & Holding On

We can both hold on to what has been central to our lives and adjust by letting go of some things.

Letting go
and
Holding on
  • Our identities have been defined by roles — parent, partner, caregiver, leader, expert — and these change.
  • Hold on to what is most precious: faith, the values we hold dearly, and core relationships.
  • Let go of some routines and belongings — and find that simpler connections can become more fulfilling.
An older couple sitting close together in a community lounge
Portrait · Downsizing · Family, friends, and faith

Steve & Carol’s Move

Steve and Carol decided to move into a retirement community and faced downsizing from their large home. They struggled over what to give up; Carol had difficulty parting with furniture that was an artifact of her family heritage, so they kept some valuable pieces in storage for a while.

They agreed that family, friends, and faith had been and would remain central to their lives, even as they adjusted to new ways of connecting with others in their new home.

“Family, friends, and faith remain central.”

Pause & reflect
  1. What are you willing to hold on to, and what are you willing to let go of?
  2. Of the things you are willing to let go of, which will require the most adjustments in your life?
4

Independence & Interdependence

We treasure having control of our own lives, and we also value the importance of others who may bring support when needed.

Independence
and
Interdependence
  • We want to keep control over our own lives and decisions, large and small.
  • As circumstances change, we adjust and create new social connections.
  • Support from others, when we need it, can strengthen rather than diminish us.
An older woman seated in the common room of a retirement community
Portrait · Fiercely independent · Learning to rely on others

Sandra’s Core Group

Sandra enjoyed a highly successful professional career, which flourished even after the unexpected death of her husband. Those who knew her saw a fiercely independent woman, determined to live her life as she saw fit.

After retirement she moved into a vibrant retirement facility and made new friends. As her physical health declined, and with no family nearby, she came to realize the importance of having a core group of people she could count on.

“She came to value a core group she could count on.”

Pause & reflect
  1. What new relationships have you recently formed that have made your life more enjoyable? How have you nurtured your relationships with old friends?
  2. What are you doing that helps you maintain control over life decisions, both major and minor?
5

Accomplishment & Comfort

We continue feeling fulfilled by making a difference in some way, and we are also at peace with ourselves and where we are on our life journey.

Accomplishment
and
Comfort
  • We all need to feel that our presence in the world matters.
  • In retirement, motivation often shifts from outward expectation to doing things because we enjoy them.
  • We can still make a difference — sharing wisdom, being present to others — while taking time to enjoy ourselves.
An older man in a workshop holding a small wooden bird he has carved
Portrait · Widower · Approaching 100 · Community involvement

Harry’s Reason to Get Up

Harry was 94 when he lost his wife of 62 years. As he approached his 100th birthday, he told his son, “I still need a reason to get up in the morning.”

For him, that meant calling Saturday bingo, taking up an issue with facility management, or tending to a needy fellow resident. Just after midnight on his birthday he woke, glanced at the clock, threw his arms into the air, and exclaimed, “I made it!”

“I still need a reason to get up in the morning.”

Pause & reflect
  1. What energizes you most when you get up in the morning?
  2. What gives you the sense that you have “mattered” in your life? How do you feel when you think about these things?

The key is to manage these paradoxes through their tension, not to solve them — and in that tension, to find renewal.

Take it with you

Downloads

See terms of use below.

The Chart

Image · One page

Embracing Paradoxes — a single-page visual summary of all five late-life paradoxes. Good for printing or sharing at a glance.

Download the chart

The Paper

PDF · Full essay with research appendix

Embracing Paradoxes: Navigating Contradictions in Later Life — the complete essay, with a real-life story and two reflection questions for each paradox, plus a research appendix.

Download the paper (PDF)

The Guide

PDF · Reflection worksheet

Guide for Further Engagement with Paradoxes — a printable worksheet: rate each paradox, place yourself between the two poles, and note the actions you have taken and your next steps.

Download the guide (PDF)
Terms of use

Share freely, credit us, no changes, no selling.

You may download, print, and pass these materials along — including in classrooms and workshops — as long as our names stay on them and nothing is altered or sold.

“Please use these freely in your own work. Keep our names on them. And write to us — we would like to hear how you are using them.”

Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution–NonCommercial–NoDerivatives 4.0 (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0).

Behind the work

About & Contact

Why this work exists, and how to reach the two authors.

Later life is not about recovering what we once had, but about renewal — discovering new pathways of fulfillment, and stepping back to appreciate life's paradoxes. This resource grew out of that conviction: that the contradictions of aging are not failures to be fixed but tensions to be lived well.

Larry A. Braskamp, PhD

Educational psychologist · coauthor of The Motivation Factor

labraskamp at yahoo dot com

Larry graduated from Central College (Pella, IA) and earned his PhD in educational psychology from the University of Iowa. He was a faculty member and administrator at the University of Nebraska–Lincoln, the University of Illinois at Urbana–Champaign, the University of Illinois at Chicago, Loyola University Chicago, and Elmhurst University.

A coauthor of several publications and books, including The Motivation Factor, he has consulted with universities and other organizations on institutional leadership and served on governing boards at nonprofit organizations. In retirement his research focuses on aging — fostering renewal by managing paradoxes and navigating the contradictions of later life.

Jon F. Wergin, PhD

Professor Emeritus of Education Studies, Antioch University

jfwergin at yahoo dot com

Jon Wergin is Professor Emeritus of Education Studies at Antioch University’s Graduate School of Leadership & Change, where his focus was on applications of adult learning and development to leadership. Since retiring he has remained active in scholarly pursuits, including a periodic post on Substack (“Constructively Disoriented”) and investigating the paradoxes of aging with Larry Braskamp.

He is also a certified ambassador and moderator with Braver Angels, a grassroots organization devoted to “bringing Americans together to bridge the partisan divide and strengthen our democratic republic.”